I’ve shared those ten days with four Buddhist cats, 27 fellow psychotherapy students, three faciliators, a resident Buddhist community, and two Lord of the Rings geeks.
I’ve sat in a circle and sobbed. I’ve laughed at Pictionary until my stomach ached. I’ve sang Taize and floated in the bliss of sweet voices coming together. I’ve played Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuits and been scared by the geekiness of the Lord of the Rings geeks. I’ve chanted Namo Amida Bu and bowed to the golden Buddha. I’ve drunk tea and tea and tea. I’ve sat in a circle and felt soaked in love.
Who am I now? My old life doesn’t quite fit me any more. I’m clearer about some of the things I do (a long story), and I know how I’d like to be different. I’m clearer about some of the stuff I’ve been wasting my time on (the internet, buying stuff, trying too hard at anything), and some of the things I’d like to do more of (creating space for poems to enter, journalling, walking outside and looking at the flowers).
Nick Drake is playing on my i-pod. I’m going to listen to this song. I’m going to give it my full attention, and I’m going to feel grateful, for Nick Drake, for my i-pod, for my black cat coiled on my white furry cushion, for the sofa I’m sitting on, for the Green and Blacks caramel chocolate on the table. I’m going to love it all. Does anything else matter?